Sunday, 27th December 2009 - 12:46 AM
It has been long time since I was, well "small".
Whenever I think of Christmas, I get back memories of very old times. The memories are all from the 90's, the times when I was still quite a small schoolboy. Things used to be so colorful at Christmas. I used to decorate our room in colorful ribbons, balloons, and other sparkling and glittering things from stars to balls, to whatever I had. I even had a little christmas tree, and decorated it with more things than it could withstand. The little colorful bells, that hung from the branches always seemed so cute. The only thing missing in them were the sounds of jingling. Later on I had shifted to decorating Dada's room instead of ours. Now that I remember about the shifting, why that ever took place I can't seem to remember. Anyway, all seemed so well at this time of the year then. Infact to me it seemed the best time of the year. The cold, the colors of christmas, the vacation at school, the anticipation of coming of a new year, the way santa dresses, (in whatever illustrations I had seen), the christmas themed cartoons at Cartoon Network, the english movies with something "christmas" based in it, the home alone series, all seemed so fascinating. It was normally at that those time that someone from Jethu's family used to visit Calcutta, and it only added to even more excitement. The different types of cakes and pastries, and oranges all were so Christmas like...
All these little and small things kept me so much lively, and happy. Something worth waiting for one more year, to come again. Those were the days, when I used to think, a year is such a long time, and good things like this shouldn't have to wait for so long. Now, I guess I know why all those waiting was for...
And coming back to where I'm today... this is the same old Christmas time... But today, I'm least bothered of something so called. I don't know whether I myself have chosen this or not. Or is it something which I could have changed or not. But here its no use thinking what I could have done, and perhaps been in some other point in some other parallel time-line. Time doesn't seem to wait, and the only thing I could think of is, how to get back somewhere as close to where I once was.
The only thing worth remembering from this year's Christmas is my first chat with Shruti. I don't know whether it is simple attraction, crush, love or whatever. All I know is that, if someone asks me to think of anyone, it would be her. If I'm going somewhere, and wish someone was with me there, it would be her. If I'm feeling bored and try to think of something different, she would be first thing to come to my mind. If I'm going to bed, she would be last thing I would remember. Whenever I lookup at my G-talk, I hope to see her there, even if I know I ain't even going to say a single thing. Whenever I get happy, I wish she could be the first one to know it. Sometimes when I've my eyes closed, and when I open them I hope to see her there. Whenever I eat something, she would be there to share. Whenever I feel like saying something, or even at times when I don't feel like saying anything, she would be there to understand it. I don't want her to be perfect or even anywhere near perfection in anything. Its only the intention that'll ever matter. Some efforts might be lazy or too weak to be called an effort itself, but still the intention is all that matters. It has been quite a long time now since I saw her the first time. I still remember the days at my first semester, when a mere glimpse or her, before the exams made me feel that even a bad days' exam can't make me feel dull. Even the worst thing didn't ever dampen my spirits, if I had even seen her somewhere.
I meet so many people everyday. Even there are ones whom I meet often. And there are so many whom I meet or get to see as less frequently as her. Of so many people its only her, that keeps coming back to my mind. Even now, when she is thousands of miles away from here, my mind seems to still lost looking for her.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sunday, 27th December 2009 - 12:46 AM
Posted by Subhranath Chunder at 3:05 AM